After a very long time, I feel like I need to clean up the dust that stick on this blog after a very busy months recently. A very busy months where the owner of this blog is struggle really really hard to catch up her dreams, fighting alone during the thick and thin, try to tidy up her schedule, need to be care with everything then end up with sleepless, messy room, post-it cards in her working table, weight loss, acne (but still beautiful, yeah self confident comes first *cheers), fatigue, and this neglected blog. And also, I would like to say sorry for some of the previous posts that been deleted, no specific reasons, just want to make the posts still under a particular theme, in tune. This idea actually has long been buried. For sure, I'm not that type of person who got the outstanding ability to analyze something under the scientific reasons.  But, in certain social phenomenon, I have some point of view. Well, lately I feel like I need to give some comment...

Masih jelas sekali kenangan dulu, kelas 5 SD, saya pernah menampar seorang teman lelaki, karena dia bercanda dengan cara menghalang2i jalan saya ketika hendak pulang ke rumah. Singkatnya, dari dulu saya memang agak sensitif dengan lelaki2 sampah yang suka genit ke cewek-cewek, lelaki yang tidak menghargai dan menghormati wanita sedikitpun. Hingga saya beranjak dewasa, saya sangat sensitif dan marah jika mendengar kasus wanita dibunuh, dianiaya, dilecehkan, atau diselingkuhi. Bagi saya, lelaki sampah macam ini tidak layak untuk menginjak dunia yang dari maha Pencipta saja, sudah diperintahkan untuk memuliakan, meghargai dan menghormati kaum hawa, terbukti dari dijaminnya surga untuk 4 wanita (Khadijah, Fatimah, Asiah, Maryam). Mari mempersempit pembahasan ini dengan contoh kecil saja. Beberapa hari yang lalu saya mem post tentang suatu hal berbau against seseorang yang saya tahu betul kerjaannya hanyalah merayu wanita, seolah dimana dia berpijak disitu dilemparkannya rayuan2...

Tersenyumlah karena Dia masih mengasihani rindu- rindu yang terpendam pada tiap hati manusia yang bertingkah seolah tidak. Tapi.. 5 detik saja kataNya lalu ku iyakan, kau iyakan, maka terjadilah cukup kataNya, "sudah kan? jangan kau bawa pulang, katamu cintamu hanya untukNya saja" "iya" kataku, meski tau tak mau. meski mampuku sebatas ragu. tapi selalu ku ingat bahwa Dia tak boleh ada duanya, maka aku mengangguk demi belajar menjadi ikhlas, itulah penguatku, serta dengan bantuanmu tentunya, yang kalau kau termakan rayuan semu sedikit saja, maka binasalah. sayangnya rindu bukan hanya milik satu orang saja, semua orang berhak memilikinya. dan payahnya, semua orang punya hak yang sama, merindukan satu orang dengan nama yang sama. lantas bagaimana? jawabannya, ya tak apa, Dia tahu kapasitasmu terbatas, dan tak kau miliki kemampuan membaca hati dan pikiran orang, Dia paham kalau kau tak tahan uji, dan lebih dari mengerti betapa untuk mencoba menghapu...

As a person who has 'not really good past' with someone who said he loves me but the truth is like a tragedy instead of teenager's sweet romance, I've experienced met someone who said he'd like to kill himself just to spend time with me, the person who send me bullshit poems but can shoot me in the right time so those trash can easily persuade a transition shs to college yet vulnerable girl like me to give my heart too. The shuck who believes he's the most handsome boy in this world so it gives him a right to collect his dump jar of hearts. Meh. H e shot me in front of my friends and those rumors spread like the wind. I started to live my life as a normal junior in my faculty with him until I heard that he has approached one of my friend s , and shortly, I knew that he has dozens of secret girls and more and more. I t ’s very heartbreaking at the first time but now, hah so nasty . like .. who do you think u are? But, it's not the prominent m...

people are vary, but we can always learn something from someone. forcing people to be like what we want them to be is like stuffed them with fish when they got allergic on it. just because we put their necessity above ours, it doesn't mean they will do the same. mind's pattern are made by the value that they got from the circumstances. Some people treat you well because they believe that doing something nice are more beneficial than hurting someone, they got the experience on it or else they watch the people around them did it as well. While the other one who used to put their ego up above anything, will never have any idea to lower their selfish way, and keep upholding their necessity above the others. Human is perfect, God is really good. But behavior make it really complicated.  everyone want to be happy, but sometimes forget that the others begging for it too. it's almost impossible to wish everyone will be kind to us, just because we never hurt them, resp...

untuk mama, papa, dan semua orang-orang yang saya sayangi dan menyayangi saya, semoga sehat selalu:)

My 2 am The heavy rain just too okay to remember something, or maybe someone? It’s like thousand memories that used to be faded back again. Rain drops to the ground create bittersweet harmony that forced to play in human’s brain. Rain targeted a loss control one, who wakeup at 2 am and missing somebody. It continously attack people consciousness to make people accidently grab their handphone and take uncontrolled action.                 Some peple said loving people is like a cherry pie, the others believe missing someone is like feel the honeydew. For me personally, missing somehow relate with waiting. There’s always waiting while missing someone. Majority of people hate gambling. The one who gambling is people who willing to sacrifice themselves. Talking about waiting, the possibility just about whether the person that we waiting for will come back or not. That’s gambling     ...

Lately lots of people told me about their problem in a friendship. It surprise me on how under my observation, people at least need 1-2 minutes to answer the question 'how you define friendship?'. God is too good, brain is like having a soul into. When we're being asked 'what's friendship means to you?'  The brain start to playing back memories that will make a person figure out some people or a photograph of other. Friend/friends are subjects who appear as hordes of benevolences. Unfortunately, actually it's more about tragically, human's nerve system push away any form of enormous gifts or the most expensive present from fake people  as prerequisite to the first time remind someone about friend or friendship. There's nothing wrong with gifts or present or even with giving materials. The problem is belong to the word 'intention'. Intention is something secret, and be careful cause sometimes we cannot differentiate which one is our real i...

Heart is unpredictable thing. The more you learn what they want, the more it will confuse you. But heart is destined to be unpredictable. It got tachycardy whenever you feel something strange, like anxiety, excitement, physically and mentally drained, and being miserable. It got bradycardy whenever you feel like things going wrong, everything seems like gone away, hopeless, and you can't understand one of it and why they have to. Even the medical students just learn how they can be, not why they must be. All of us blessed to have heart as the one which equip the brain. Even though the brain sometimes become dominant. It just because people cannot be able to understand what it want. The brain specifically tell us what it want us to do and not to do. the brain with its capabilities to give logically thinking contribute more if we want to decice something, proven by appropriate reasons. It help us being rational while the heart don't. Even so.. Sometimes your logical thinking...

I forgot the specific date of the day, but it's a bright evening when I saw a girl, her age is around 15-17 years old. The girl is crossing the zebra cross, her daddy hold her hand really tight. It's kinda my favorite view even some people may taught it's a common thing to be seen. I love to see the scene of a daddy protect his little girl in a drama or in a real life. All of people love to see an affection, including me, even I don't taste any of it. Just by imagine it will happen to me someday, it's enough to make my tear drop down as a form of happiness. Suddenly I remember some people ever ask me why I can be as that hard to myself. Today I realize that it's not a choice, it's a must. Cause I don't have a supporter in my life, I just have those who I 'call' as supporter, there's no one who will motivate me after a failure, I have to handle it by my own, I have to fix my broken heart by myself and swallow my tear as it drops while I ha...

December 31st 2015, around 8.30 pm. It was little bit drizzle outside, but people don't mean it. It proved by hundreds people walking along the street, they laugh each other, some of them doing transaction, then deal with smile on their face. Kids asked their mommy to buy bugles, whimpered till crying. Fried food, meat ball, crepes, fried rice, noodle sellers and many more make this market become so crowded. The ones who got the highest income that day are food sellers I bet. Some couples enjoy the night by having a deep talk on the motorcycle. Indistinct, I can hear some fireworks blazing from the other side of gloomy sky, Sounds like joyful evening right? As the car turns right, my cousins busy to talk about our party on new year's eve, we already bough some corns and fishes from Panorama Market to be baked in our home like what people commonly do. Drizzle is not even stop, I look at the window and saw 3 or 4 old men with their worn out shirts and old hat. Maybe their age...

You argue with your brain on how you aren't as that depressed regarding to someone's treatment on you. U complain too hard to yourself that what people have done to you is not such a matter. U blaming your self for unreasonable strange feeling that suddenly come to your heart after unexpected thing comes to your life. U try to contemplate the way people's mind is okay based on every single person's character. When actually... Those strange feeling is named as.... H u r t. You're not hurt because you're too sensitive, you're not hurt because people are too cruel to be human, you're not hurt because of disappointment, but.. You hurt, because it matters. Whatever it's a little matters or even unexplained heavy. It's just matters for yourself. Don't care it's a thing or a person, your heart and your brain have claimed that it gives effect toward your life. Conscious or unconscious, they're take a part even in a very m...

All of us love our parents, have our own idol, like and dislike, expect a pretty house, revere technology,  share a half of our heart and build a cute romance, struggling to be outstanding, and proving the existence. Will come a time when the sun become hazy, heavy rain beneath the eyes, dizziness, suddenly lost the heartbeat, no more jokes, smile which fade away. When we lose someone we love, we lose something most important in our life, or When someone we care about.. passed away. people will give the deepest condolence, saying sorry to hear that, smoothly clap our shoulder hopefully bringing the strength, try to wiping the tear so it could be able to reduce the sickness. But... No matter how sad we are, don't care how miserable the pain inside, Whatever the feeling of being lonely, or the scars had been in a severe condition, life will always goes on, no tolerance. The date don't even stop, the hours will never care, the neighbors whose deliver their condolences wil...

I know you're the strongest, super power even huge more than nuclear weapon to explode. Everyone bet you such gods, you spread to unknown area without need to permitted. You're micro but you're hold out as a champion against giant chemical chain. Even the smartest in some cases don't have any idea about how to shoot you down. No one pray for your existence, but you become the most famous one. You move as fast as wind in a cloudy hopeless day. Lately, God always hear your name when I'm praying along the days and night, through sunset and sunrise. You must be happy cause I mention your name whenever my forehead touches the floor, begging with sob for you to never exist in this world. Surely, you have nothing idea about how was my days when you start to approach the most powerful woman in my life, it's like you broken whole of my soul. If I have a chance to ask one non living thing in this world, I will ask you, my question is just, what did my mother ever...

Parallel with gender equality, women somehow begging for world to give respect towards them. Women stand up against discrimination, women valued themselves as same as man who have a right to pursue their happiness. They fervently allay any form of humiliation toward them. They brave enough to shout out about their idea that women should have a protection under a legitimate law and constitution. Some tragedy sometime force women to scream out loud. Raping, act of despising, arbitrary actions, etc become the most famous highlight in any news media which show the number of people who kindly want to understand woman as deep as possible were extremely tragic. Analyze those phenomenon, assuming women aren't always right. The basic potent weapon that women should use is, being expensive. Teenagers who endlessly dedicate themselves to the country by drawing some incredible achievements are fabulous enough to defeat some who just being insane judging their president in every social medi...

"No matter what, when you're cheating on her. You're not more than an accursed creepy crocodile." Maybe you don't have any idea how was her feeling when you approach her at the first time, you become the object she think along the night, she's waiting for your text along the day, You become the reason her reddish cheek when someone mention your name, you become her favorite topic when she got meet up with her close friends, even you don't know that your name start to get involved when she's praying. You can't hide your sin by saying your reasons, whatever it's. Don't blame your new crushes because there will be no one who can occupy when there's no space, and you create it. Also don't blame your girlfriend if you're not statisfy enough in your relationship, because you too make the condition even worst and by doing cheating you're not going to solve anything. When you decide to cheat, means you already create a silly o...

Lip tint, lip gloss, compact powder, foundation, mascara, eye liner, blush on, etc being such important stuffs that should fulfill woman's bag nowadays. Before go to mall, campus, hangout, having a great girls day out, party, or anywhere it's almost impossible to find a woman without at least powder on her face. Being called beautiful is like a super magic word, even it's just a word consists of b-t-f-l complete with 4 vowels it could makes a day for women, contribute positive energy, increase someone's feeling of confident, draw a pleasing smile, and even far make people think that they're not an underdog. How society said that beautiful is something relative, when actually most  of them already agreed (even not through a legal approval) that beautiful is when you have  a flawless white face, an awesome proportional body, a nice symmetrical smile, a pair of leg which is a duplication of models, stylish hair without bad hair day, short curly on thursday and  lon...

The only reason if I have a boyfriend right now is just because I want us to build our Future strength together. My existence is not to fulfill your lust, here we gonna do our best to brighten our future together, so none of us will just waiting the other to be success. I beg you to explore yourself, study hardest, trying your best, and I will do the same. If you fall, you don't need to worry cause here I am, as your mate will support you beyond my limit and pray for you so that God will be our ultimate Savior and of course failure isn't going to break down our bridge and you still be able to conquer anything. I hate when someone try to limit my steps, bother my social activities, or even get mad and jealous only because I don't reply a text or pick a call. I do believe we should never be in an irrational and dysfunctional relationship. If you're a type of guy who prefer  a beautiful woman, then there's nothing you can expect from me. I will grow old, disease s...

Maturity somehow take an important part in human life. That word is taking a role as much as people need to socialize with others. But so far maturity still being really absurd to be define as well. We cannot define maturity through ages, or even faces. We can't see it from ages because sometimes a 23 years old woman still has an unstable condition of psychology,  as well as we cannot observe it from faces. Maturity is also not simply about the capabilities to fixed some problems by own. Because those capabilities perhaps because we already passed through so many huge problems which it can't guarantee people's maturity since we still feel that insecure when we face a new kind of problem. Maturity is about how we can create peace inside our soul. Maturity is also about how  we're not easily being flammable, maturity can be measured by how far people can prioritize other's necessity than themselves . keep people away from being hurted as much as we don't wan...

How you define missing somebody? it's 21.59 pm when my intellectual lobe still hardly remember what the things ever happened in the past. In fact I don't really know what's the definition of missing somebody. I thought that there's someone that I miss, but I doubt to named it as 'missing' when what actually I feel right know is my heart and my brain just like bloody to know how's life going on to him. Now I'll be like an agony lay down in my bed counting how many hours left for finally meet him in a right time. This purulent wound should be overcome before it comes to an irreversible pain. I found no specific reason why I could be as this excessive, all I know is just this feeling come up since I cannot see your presence in my life like you used to be. where are you and what are you doing? those two questions become really noteworthy regarding to you. How can those simple questions haunted me as much as algebra in math or even more. Can you just ...